dam1953

I hear that Caitlyn Jenner's birthday is coming up next month and friends and family are having are hard time deciding on appropriate gifts. The best gift I can think of is:

His & Hers Bath Towels...

foreverfan

On average a golfer walks about 900 miles a year and drinks about 22 gallons of alcohol.
This means a golfer get about 41 miles to the gallon.

And this is what it looks like.

foreverfan

LSU loses by 8 to Florida. I'm not worried. We are going to beat the crap out of Alabama.

I didn't know Trump is an Alabama fan.

WhoDat!656

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?”

The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”

The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?”

The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?”

The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

WhoDat!656

Duck walks into a bakery. “Do you have any spare bread?”

Baker: “No, duck, I have no bread for you!”

Next day, duck walks back in. “Do you have any spare bread today?”

Baker: “No duck! I have no damned bread for you!!!!”

Next day, duck walks back in. “How about today? Do you have any spare bread today?”

Baker: “NO DUCK! AND IF YOU ASK ME AGAIN, I’ll NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE FLOOR!!!”

Next day, duck walks back in. The baker glowers at the duck. The duck looks back. Finally, the duck ask, “Do you have any nails?”

The baker is surprised. “Why no, duck, I haven’t any nails!”

The duck says, “Good. Do you have any spare bread?”

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

dam1953

My boss phoned me today.

He said, “Is everything okay at the office?”

I said, “It is all under control. It’s been a very busy day. I haven’t stopped to take a break all day.”

“Can you do me a favor?” he asked.

I said, “Of course, what is it?”

“Pick up the pace a little. I’m in the foursome behind you.”

dam1953

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WhoDat!656

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his mission in the jungle, where he has spent years teaching the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never taught them, was how to speak English. So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest.

He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response.

They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and repeats, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about his results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.

As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them both.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike!"

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

WhoDat!656

The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What happened Paddy?" she asks anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home ... and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" ;

"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law.

"There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.

"Paddy, there, I told you it must be a simple explanation.

"She never got your email!"

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

foreverfan

Who Dat Fans... We are on the way at 9-1 to 18-1. Thanksgiving day... Destroy the Falcons.