dam1953

In His Wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His Wisdom He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things requiring them to bend, reach & stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts to Remember as You Grow Older

#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

#8 Life is sexually transmitted.

#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

#3 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

#2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

#1 Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow.

Don't ignore this message. This is your only warning.

A friend sent this to me -- must have mistakenly assumed I was aging?

In GOD We Trust

”It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin

foreverfan

dam1953

Wayne Newton???

foreverfan

I his worst dream.

dam1953

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies,
I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL
40 D Breasts
24" WAIST and
34" HIPS





When she walks into a room, people say, “JESUS"

Attached Thumbnails

 

”It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin

foreverfan

dam1953

Tea is an evil substance

Attached Thumbnails

 

WhoDat!656

Two buddies are playing golf and ahead they see two women also playing. But the women are slow and the men want to ask if they can play through.

One fellow starts walking, but about halfway there, he turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks what happened.

First fellow replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress.

Why don't you go talk to them?"

So the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks, "What happened?"

Friend replies, "Small world."

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

WhoDat!656

A man wanted to get married.

He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates.

He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new makeup; buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man was impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much..

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.

Then he married the one with the biggest boobs.

Men are like that, you know.

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

JPPT1974

What is the difference between a regular chair and an electric chair?

A regular chair you get to sit in all the time, every single time alive

Electric chair is the last chair you sit in and don't live to get out of alive. Get it, regular chair you get out alive and electric chair you get out dead?!