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this is a discussion within the Everything Else Community Forum; The Pharmacist's Monday Morning Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before ...

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Old 11-26-2011, 09:02 AM   #111
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The Pharmacist's Monday Morning


Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone."

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology.


Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I'd locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.

"Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire."


"When I finally got to the store a bunch of people was waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook."

He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke."


"Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.”
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Old 11-27-2011, 10:05 AM   #112
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Two blondes walk into a building.
You woulda thought the 2nd woulda noticed.
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Old 11-27-2011, 10:59 AM   #113
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This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.


He has a heart attack and dies. She frantically calls a May Day:

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"


All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying: "The is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine!

Now give me your height and position."


She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."


"O.K." says the voice from the tower. "Repeat after me: Our Father,
Who art in Heaven. . . .."

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Old 11-27-2011, 12:41 PM   #114
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A few of this jokes have already been told.
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Old 11-27-2011, 05:06 PM   #115
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Thumbs up Sorry if I have re-posted something

I am pretty sure I have already posted this
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Old 11-29-2011, 10:04 AM   #116
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Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid- twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment.
Do you think they could be Lebanese?




Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, fowl language and violence on my VCR?




Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.




Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend
should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.


Dear Abby,
I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.




Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?


Dear Abby,
I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now how do I get out?




Dear Abby,
My forty-year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy..


Dear Abby,
I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.


Dear Abby,
My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through mental pause.


Dear Abby,
You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex and he is a doctor.
Now what do I do?




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Old 11-29-2011, 07:21 PM   #117
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Old 11-29-2011, 09:08 PM   #118
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A man walks into a bar and orders a shot of the most expensive whiskey they have and tells the bartender he is celebrating.

The bartender asks, "What are you celebrating"?

The man says "I am celebrating my first blowjob"!

The bartender says, "Congratulations! Let me give you another shot on the house"!

The man says, "No thanks! If this one doesn't get the taste out of my mouth, then two won't help"!
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Old 11-29-2011, 09:37 PM   #119
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A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket and a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.

"Hi there little girl, I'm President Obama. What do you have in the basket?" he asked

"Kittens," little Suzy said.

"How old are they?" asked Obama.

Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."

"And what kind of kittens are they?"

"Democrats," answered Suzy with a smile.

Obama was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that the president should return the next day, and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her kittens.

So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.

Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Obama got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.

"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."

"Yes sir," Suzy said "They're Republicans."

Taken by surprise, the president stammered, "But... but... yesterday, you told me they were DEMOCRATS."

Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes
open."
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Old 11-30-2011, 05:53 PM   #120
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Little Johnny was asked by his teacher to spell "straight"; Johnny did so without error.

"Very good, now what does it mean?", asked the teacher.

Little Johnny said, "Without water in it!"
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