44Champs

Hamsters make great first pets.
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They live for 5 days and they don't require any food or water.

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SmashMouth

44Champs

Is this subtopic section dead lol

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SmashMouth

What does the word 'gay' mean?

asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."

SmashMouth

Please feel free to contribute.

dam1953

People who take care of poultry are literally "chicken tenders"...

SmashMouth

After years of feeling disappointment about her breasts and never getting as many up-votes as her friend Angela on r/GoneWild, Julie decides she needs implants.

So she went to see Dr. Smith about enlarging her tiny breasts. Dr. Smith told her, "I'll do it, but there may be another way with no downtime in recovery! Every day after your shower rub your chest and say, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

She did this faithfully for several months and it worked! She grew terrific D-cup boobs! One morning she was running late, got on the bus and in a panic realised she had forgotten her morning ritual.

Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said, "Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies."

A guy sitting nearby looked at her, "By any chance, are you a patient of Dr. Smith's?" "Why, yes I am... How did you know?" He leaned closer, winked and whispered, "Hickory dickory dock..."

SmashMouth

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

SmashMouth

A young man who worked at a grocery store had just finished stocking the turkeys in the freezer when a woman approached and asked, “Excuse me, do these turkeys get any bigger?”



“No ma’am,” he replied. “These turkeys are dead.”

SmashMouth

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident,

an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper...

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."