foreverfan

SmashMouth

I always thought Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Donald Trump.

But then that’s really just comparing Apple to Orange.

SmashMouth

So there's an owl and a lizard smoking weed together up in a tree.

Then after about 20 minutes of smoking, the lizard all high says man I really need a drink of water.

So the lizard stumbles down out of the tree and to the waters edge, he goes to take a drink and falls in, with the lizard panicking an alligator picks him up and sets him safely back on shore then asks the lizard what the hell is wrong with him and he tells the alligator about him and the owl smoking weed in the tree together.

So the alligator walks over to the tree to give the owl a piece of his mind, and when he gets to the tree he yells up at the owl, the owl looks down and rubs his eyes and says WOOOO MAN HOW MUCH WATER DID YOU DRINK?!

dam1953

A man fell into a giant cup of coffee and drowned. The coroner's report indicated that the man didn't suffer.....it was instant.

SmashMouth

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.
Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".
Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.
Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"
"Now tell me, what the hell would you say?"

dam1953

Four fonts walk into a bar. The bartender looks up as they approach the bar and tells them..."we don't serve your type here."

SmashMouth

Guess Who Quit Smoking Today?






















Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi

dam1953

What? Did some one put him out after they lit him up?

SmashMouth

He might of said something...

44Champs

When I hit puberty, my father showed me a powerpoint presentation about the importance of wearing a condom. Turns out that all the slides were pictures of me.

XLIV CHAMPS