foreverfan

FALCONS FANS HALFTIME CELEBRATION!

SmashMouth

A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on.

He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing.
She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.”
He thanked her and went back to his golf.
On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request.
She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.”
Once again he thanked her.
He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar.
He went up to her and said, “Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.”
He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did.
She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.
She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”
“No, I wouldn’t,” he said.
She said, “I sell tampons.”
With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.
She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”
“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”

foreverfan

Long way to go for that joke...

44Champs

The teacher asked her class what they wanted for Christmas.

Susie: I want a puppy!

Bobby: I want a BB gun!

Johnny: I already know what I'm getting - I'm getting a bike!

Teacher: How do you know that you're getting a bike?

Johnny: Well I told my dad that I wanted a bike for Christmas, and he grabbed himself between the legs and said "Yeah ok kid, I've got your bike right here."

XLIV CHAMPS

44Champs

A Farmer stopped by the mechanic shop to get his truck fixed. They said it would take at least a day. He decided to leave it and to walk home since he didn't live far.

On his way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. Then he went to the feed store and bought a goose and two chickens. Standing outside of the store, he was scratching his head and trying to figure out how to get everything home, when a little old lady approached him.

She said "Excuse me but do you know how I can get to 103 mockingbird lane?"

He said "Why yes that is very close to where I live. I would walk you there myself except I don't know how I'm going to carry all these things home."

She said "Why don't you put the paint in the bucket and carry them in one hand. Then put a chicken under each arm, and carry the goose in the other hand?"

He said "Thank you that's a great idea" and then proceeded to walk her home.

On the way, he said "Let's take my short cut down this alley and it will save us several minutes."

The lady said "I'm a lonely old lady without a husband to protect me. How do I know that you're not going to shove me against the wall, pull up my dress and have your way with me?"

The farmer said "Holy smokes lady! How do you expect me to do that while I'm carrying all this stuff?"

The old lady replied "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint can on top, and I'll hold the chickens."

XLIV CHAMPS

foreverfan

Thank God she is Ok.

foreverfan

2020 Official Movie Trailer LaFawnduh
From Napoleon Dynamite

dam1953

I once applied for a job and during the interview was asked if I can perform under pressure. I replied, how about "Bohemian Rhapsody instead".

SmashMouth

QUESTION: What's the difference between John Kerry and God?













ANSWER: God doesn't think he's John Kerry!

WhoDat!656

A young guy from North Carolina moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job. The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in North Carolina."

Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down to the sales floor.

"How many customers bought something from you today?" The kid frowns and looks at the floor and mutters, "One".
The boss says "Just one?!!? Our sales people average sales to 20 to 30 customers a day. That will have to change, and soon, if you'd like to continue your employment here. We have very strict standards for our sales force here in Florida. One sale a day might have been acceptable in North Carolina, but you're not in the mountains anymore, son."

The kid took his beating, but continued to look at his shoes, so the boss felt kinda bad for chewing him out on his first day.

He asked (semi-sarcastically), "So, how much was your one sale for?"

The kid looks up at his boss and says "$101,237.65".

The boss, astonished, says $101,237.65?!? What the heck did you sell?"

The kid says, "Well, first, I sold him some fish hooks. Then I sold him a new fishing rod to go with his new hooks. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Expedition."

The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a TRUCK!?"

The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing.'

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."