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Joke of the Day

this is a discussion within the Everything Else Community Forum; A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever. Next, he has to get some flowers, ...

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Old 09-16-2012, 08:16 PM   #411
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Re: Joke of the Day

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom.

First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.

Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.

Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.

Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time.

When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:10 AM   #412
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Re: Joke of the Day

A plane is on its way to Detroit when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that's the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-piolet that there's a blonde bimbo sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, "I'm blonde, I'm beatiful, I'm going to Detroit and I'm staying right here."

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, "You say she's blonde? I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde." He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I'm sorry," then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

"I told her first class isn't going to Detroit."
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You kids get off my lawn!
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:27 AM   #413
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Re: Joke of the Day

A brunette goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor I'm hurting all over my body."

"That's odd", replied the doctor, "Show me what you mean"

So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain. She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.

The doctor says, "You're not a natural brunette are you?"

"No I'm a blonde", she replies.

"I thought so.... your finger is broken.", replies the doctor.
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:35 AM   #414
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Re: Joke of the Day

A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk "Where do you keep the curtains for computers?" The clerk answers with a puzzled face "Curtains for computers? You don't need curtains for computers." The blonde's eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers "Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!"
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Old 09-17-2012, 04:38 AM   #415
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Re: Joke of the Day

There was this bar and in the bar there was a magic mirror.

If you told a lie it would suck you in.

One day a brunette walked into this bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

The next day a redhead walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world' and it sucked her in.

Then the next day a blond walked into the bar. She walked up to the mirror and said 'I think...' and it sucked her in...

You kids get off my lawn!
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Old 09-22-2012, 08:25 PM   #416
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Re: Joke of the Day

Wife asks Hubby, "How many women have you slept with?"

Hubby replies, "Just you, sweetheart, I was awake with all the others."

And That's When The Fight Started...
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Old 09-22-2012, 08:26 PM   #417
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Re: Joke of the Day

Wife and Hubby were shown into the dentist's office, where Hubby made it clear he was in a big hurry.

"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with."

"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"

Hubby turned to his wife and said, "Show him, honey."

And That's When The Fight Started...
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Old 09-22-2012, 08:27 PM   #418
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Re: Joke of the Day

Wife and Hubby were sitting in the cool of the evening on the veranda. Suddenly Hubby says gently, “I love you.”

Wife smiles shyly, and asks, “Is that you or the wine talking?

Hubby replies, “It’s me... talking to the wine."

And That's When The Fight Started...
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Old 09-22-2012, 08:29 PM   #419
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Re: Joke of the Day

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Wife and Hubby listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other..”

He then addressed the men, ‘Can you name and describe your wife’s favorite flower?’

Hubby leaned over, touched Wife's hand gently, and whispered, ‘Robin Hood All-Purpose, isn’t it?’

And That's When The Fight Started...
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Old 09-22-2012, 08:33 PM   #420
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Re: Joke of the Day

After retiring, Hubby went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age.

Hubby looked in my pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.

He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So Hubby opened his shirt revealing curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is Proof enough for me' and she processed the application.

When he got home, Hubby excitedly told Wife about what happened.

Wife said, 'You should have dropped your pants too; you might have gotten Disability, too.'

And That's When The Fight Started...

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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