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Joke of the Day

this is a discussion within the Everything Else Community Forum; Little Jimmy came home from his first day of school and his mom asks him how did it go. He told his mom, "I'm just wasting my time. I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk...

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Old 06-18-2013, 06:39 PM   #651
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Re: Joke of the Day

Little Jimmy came home from his first day of school and his mom asks him how did it go.

He told his mom, "I'm just wasting my time. I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk
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Old 06-18-2013, 06:40 PM   #652
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Re: Joke of the Day

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom.

So Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused.

Of course the teacher said yes, but asked Billy to be quick. Five minutes later Billy returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now.

Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way. Well five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher "I can't find it".

Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom.

So Tommy and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Tommy "Well, did you find it?"

Tommy is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards."

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Old 06-18-2013, 06:41 PM   #653
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Re: Joke of the Day

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."
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Old 06-19-2013, 04:08 PM   #654
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Re: Joke of the Day

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Old 06-20-2013, 04:35 PM   #655
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Re: Joke of the Day

Yo mama is so ugly that when she goes to the therapist, he makes her lie on the couch face down.
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Old 06-20-2013, 08:14 PM   #656
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Re: Joke of the Day

Re: Joke of the Day
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Old 06-21-2013, 09:22 AM   #657
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Re: Joke of the Day

Back on January 9th, a group of Pekin, Illinois Bikers were riding west on I-74 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Murray Baker Bridge.

So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby.....whatcha doin' up there on that railin'?"

She says tearfully, "I'm going to commit suicide!!"

While he didn't want to appear "sensitive," George also didn't want to miss this "be-a-legend" opportunity either so he asked ..."Well, before you jump, Honey-Babe...why don't you give 'ol George here your best last kiss?"

So, with no hesitation at all, she leaned back over the railing and did just that ... and it was a long, deep, lingering kiss followed immediately by another even better one.

After they breathlessly finished, George gets a big thumbs-up approval from his biker-buddies, the onlookers, and even the State Trooper. He then added, "Wow!, that was the best kiss I have ever had, Honey! That's a real talent you're wasting, Sugar Shorts. You could be famous if you rode with me. Why are you committing suicide?"

"My parents don't like me dressing like a girl."

It's still unclear whether she jumped or was pushed.
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Old 06-22-2013, 08:30 AM   #658
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Re: Joke of the Day

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.

One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.

Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people
giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.

Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and say’s “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the Seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite.”

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said, “Moshi, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!”
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Old 06-22-2013, 08:30 AM   #659
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Re: Joke of the Day

Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome, Italy.

One has a Cross in front of him; the other one is holding the Star of David.

Many people go by, look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope comes by. He stops to watch the throngs of people
giving money to the beggar who holds the Cross while none give to the beggar holding the Star of David.

Finally, the Pope approaches the beggar with the Star of David and say’s “My poor fellow, don’t you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the Seat of Catholicism. People aren’t going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you’re sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just out of spite.”

The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turned to the beggar with the Cross and said, “Moshi, look who’s trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!”
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"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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Old 06-22-2013, 08:33 AM   #660
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Re: Joke of the Day

An Arab Muslim enters a taxi cab in Houma, Louisiana...

Once he is seated, he asks the Cajun taxi driver to turn off the radio, because he must not hear music as decreed by his religion. And, in the time of the Prophet there was no music, especially Western music, which is music of the infidels. And, there was CERTAINLY no radio.

So the taxi driver politely switches off the radio, pulls over to the curb, gets out and opens the back door. The Arab asks him, “What are you DOING, man?!”

The Cajun answers, “In da time of da Prophet dere weren’t no taxis. So you get ya ass out and wait fa a camel!”

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."
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