foreverfan

Too funny. Warning: Some "R" rated language.

Crusader

A construction worker came home just in time to find his wife in bed with another man. So he dragged the man down the stairs to the garage and put his dick in a vise. He secured it tightly and removed the handle. Then he picked up a hacksaw. The man, terrified, screamed, "Stop! Stop! You're not going to..to..Cut it off, are you???!?" The husband said, with a horrible gleam of revenge in his eye, "Nope. You are. I'm going to set the garage on fire!"

WhoDat!656

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they’re physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.
‘Want anything while I’m in the kitchen?’ he asks.

"‘Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

‘Sure.’

‘Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it?’ she asks.

‘No, I can remember it.’

‘Well, I’d like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?’

He says, ‘I can remember that! You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.’

‘I’d also like whipped cream. I’m certain you’ll forget that, write it down?’ she asks.

Irritated, he says, ‘I don’t need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!’

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs..

She stares at the plate for a moment.

‘Where’s my toast ?’

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

dam1953

AT THE BAR

Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,

"Listen here, good looking. I will screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, their place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on... It doesn't matter to me. I just love it."

His eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding... I'm in Government too.

Are you federal or state?"

Attached Thumbnails

 

WhoDat!656

An Italian and an Irishman entered a chocolate store. As they were busy looking, the Irishman stole three chocolate bars.

As they left the store, the Irishman said to the Italian, “Man I’m the best thief. I stole three chocolate bars and no one saw me. You can’t beat that.”

The Italian, replied “Let’s go back to the shop and I’ll show you something better!”

So they went to the counter and the Italian said to the shopkeeper, “Do you want to see magic?”

The shopkeeper replied, “Yes.”

The Italian said, “Give me one chocolate bar.”

The shopkeeper gave him one, and he ate it.

The Italian asked for a second bar, and he ate that as well. Then he asked for the third, and finished that one too.

The shopkeeper asked, “But where’s the magic?”

The Italian replied, “Check in my friend’s pocket, and you’ll find all three bars of chocolate.”

"A Veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount of "up to and including my life."

WhoDat!656

I am going to do this!

WhoDat!656

Funny!

foreverfan

WHO WILL PAY THE PECKER CHECKER?

I have one very important question about the whole anti-LGBT bathroom legislation!

Who will pay the Pecker Checker? And how much money will a Pecker Checker make? Do we pay a Pecker Checker by the pecker?

One more question! How many peckers can a Pecker Checker check if a
Pecker Checker can check peckers?

Crusader

Hillary Clinton may become the first F president.
Sorry, I meant Female but the emale got deleted...

dam1953

I stopped by my local Ford Dealership this morning to look for a new truck. I saw a nice F-350 crew cab loaded with all the options that I liked and asked to take it for a test drive.

The salesperson (a lady wearing a Hillary for President lapel pin) sat in the passenger seat next to me, describing the truck and all its options. She explained that the Electric Seats were connected to the ventilation system and could be set to direct cool air to your butt in the summer & warm air to your butt in the winter.

So I mentioned that this must be a "Trump truck". She looked at me a bit angry, and asked why I thought it was a Trump truck. I told her that if it were a Hillary truck, the seats would just blow smoke up my ass year round.

The two mile walk back to the dealership to pick up my truck was worth it.

”It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin