foreverfan

foreverfan

Crusader

When one Dad married a younger woman, he thought it would be a great idea to bring his new wife to his daughter’s wedding. This seems perfectly normally in theory… but there’s just one problem.

The new wife wanted to make a statement to the mother-of-the-bride. That was the wrong move, and things were about to get real ugly…








With Jennifer’s wedding day getting closer, nothing could make the excited bride lose momentum. Not even her parents’ divorce.

Jennifer’s mom had found the perfect dress and would look like a beautiful mother-of-the-bride on her daughter’s big day.

But just one week later, Jennifer discovered that her father’s 25-year-old wife had bought the exact same dress as her mom…

So she asked her stepmom to return it but the young wife refused.

“No way! I look amazing in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied.

Jennifer broke the bad news to her mother but the matron took it surprisingly well.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’ll just find a new dress. It’s your special day and this won’t get in the way.”

Just a few days later, they went shopping and found another beautiful dress.

When they got home, Jennifer asked her mom, “When will you return the other dress? You don’t really have another reason to wear it anytime soon.”

“Of course I do!,” her mom replied. “I’m going to wear it for the rehearsal dinner the night before your wedding.”

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.

Crusader

When one Dad married a younger woman, he thought it would be a great idea to bring his new wife to his daughter’s wedding. This seems perfectly normally in theory… but there’s just one problem.

The new wife wanted to make a statement to the mother-of-the-bride. That was the wrong move, and things were about to get real ugly…




With Jennifer’s wedding day getting closer, nothing could make the excited bride lose momentum. Not even her parents’ divorce.

Jennifer’s mom had found the perfect dress and would look like a beautiful mother-of-the-bride on her daughter’s big day.

But just one week later, Jennifer discovered that her father’s 25-year-old wife had bought the exact same dress as her mom…

So she asked her stepmom to return it but the young wife refused.

“No way! I look amazing in this dress, and I’m wearing it,” she replied.

Jennifer broke the bad news to her mother but the matron took it surprisingly well.

“Don’t worry, darling. I’ll just find a new dress. It’s your special day and this won’t get in the way.”

Just a few days later, they went shopping and found another beautiful dress.

When they got home, Jennifer asked her mom, “When will you return the other dress? You don’t really have another reason to wear it anytime soon.”

“Of course I do!,” her mom replied. “I’m going to wear it for the rehearsal dinner the night before your wedding.”

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.

Crusader

Last week Miss Smith checked into a motel on her 70th birthday and she was a bit lonely. She thought, "I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages."

She looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo.
He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, a dazzling smile, six pack abs and she felt quite certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well oiled bum... She figured, what the heck, nobody will ever know. I'll give him a call.

"Good evening, ma'am, how may I help you?..." Oh my, he sounded sooo sexy! Afraid she would lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in, "Hi, I saw your ad in the yellow pages and understand you give a great massage. I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one.
No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is sex.

I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night - tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything. I'm ready!!

Now how does that sound?"
He said, "That sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to dial “9” for an outside line Miss Smith."

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.

Crusader

"Daddy, why do people hang horses?" asked my daughter.

"Nobody hangs horses, darling," I consoled her in my lap. "Who told you that people hang horses?"

"I just heard mummy on the phone saying that her new boss was hung like a horse."

Crusader

Why are Alabama weddings so small?
They only have to invite one family.

Crusader

I lost my job at the hospital today for sexual assault...
It's not my fault that they put up a sign that said "Stroke patients downstairs"

Crusader

Q: What do you get when you cross human DNA with goat DNA?
A: Thrown out of the petting zoo...

Crusader

At a wedding reception, the best man said, "Would all the married men please stand next to the person that makes their lives worth living".

The poor bartender was nearly crushed to death.