foreverfan

I SHORTENED THIS UP...
Are you ever overwhelmed with the urge to tell someone to shut up? Often the conversation hog doesn’t get to the point or goes off on tangents driving their listeners crazy. You can use this...

1. STFU.

2. You know what’s cool? When you STFU.

3. If I wanted to listen to some SHlT, I’d fart. STFU.

4. If I wanted your opinion all of the time, I would have married you. STFU.

5. Remember that time you STFU? Of course not. Nobody does. STFU.

2019 Death of a Parrot.

dam1953

Numbers 4 & 5 fit two of my sisters-in-law to a "T". When they call my wife I know they're on the phone because for a solid hour she only speaks in one or two word sentences. With them, there is never such a thing as awkward silence, or any other kind of silence for that matter. I took a 6 hour drive with the two of them a year ago. The constant drone was like having a bee hive in the back seat.

foreverfan

Crusader

A wife comes home late at night from being out of town and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.

Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

“Hi Darling,” he says, “Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say, ‘Hello’ to them?”

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.

44Champs

Will someone post more jokes please

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

foreverfan

44Champs

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using Tapatalk

foreverfan

I've have managed to control my entourage of high school girls like this by not playing Hockey.

dam1953

Dang. I never new that's what "taping my stick" meant.

Crusader

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.




She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there was such a box and with those contents. That evening, they were out for a special anniversary dinner. After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, “I’m so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?”

Bill thought for a while and said, “I guess after all these years you deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again.”

Hillary was shocked, but said, “Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I’m disappointed and saddened by your behavior; however, since you are addicted to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad considering your problem.”

Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace. A little while later Hillary asked Bill, “So why do you have all that money in the box?”

He answered, “Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took them to the recycling center.”

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.