Crusader

Some laughs there I hope.

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foreverfan

I didn't know you are a bear racist.

Crusader

I lost my watch at a party once. An hour later I saw some guy stepping on it while he was sexually harassing some woman at that party.
Infuriated, I immediately went over, punched him and broke his nose. No one does that to a woman, not on my watch.

Crusader

And some more.

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dam1953

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Crusader

A priest and a nun were lost in a blizzard. After a while, they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to sleep. There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor – but only one bed.
Being a gentleman, the priest said, “Sister, you sleep on the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag.”
Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall asleep, the nun said “Father, I’m cold.”
He unzipped the sleeping bag, got up, got a blanket and put it on her.
Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, “Father, I’m still very cold.”
He unzipped the bag, got up again, put another blanket on her and got into the sleeping bag once again. Just as his eyes closed, she said, “Father, I’m sooooo cold.”
This time, he remained there, giving the woman a wink and a smile, then said, “Sister, I have an idea. We’re out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what happened. Let’s pretend we’re married.”
The nun purred, “Sounds good to me.”
To which the priest yelled out, “Okay then – get up and get your own stupid blanket!”

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.

Crusader

Kevin*and Peter*were identical twins. Kevin*owned an old dilapidated boat and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to a group of out-of-staters who ended up sinking it. He spent all day trying to salvage as much stuff as he could from the sunken vessel and was out of touch all that day and most of the evening. Unknown to him, his brother Peter’s*wife had died suddenly in his absence.

When he got back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the grocery store. A kind old woman there mistook him for Peter*and said, “I’m so sorry for your loss. You must feel terrible.”

Kevin, thinking she was talking about his boat said, “Hell no! Fact is, I’m sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.”

“I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to those four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn’t very good and that she smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The damn fools tried to get in her all at one time and she split right up the middle.”

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.

foreverfan

Crusader

A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.

There’s a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments.

He hears a priest come in. “Father, forgive me for it’s been a very long time since I’ve been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be.”
The priest replies, “Get out, you idiot. You’re on my side!”

W.T. Sherman is my favorite General. After all he did order Atlanta to be burned to the ground.

foreverfan