foreverfan

A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful.

He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?' The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!'

The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'

The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'

The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said,

'These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday.'

The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull wins.

2019 Death of a Parrot.

foreverfan

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Pfizer & Pepsi to MergeThis will no doubt put Coca Cola out of business in the near future.

The Pfizer Corporation announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form and this new product will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer.

Obviously, we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:

MOUNT & DO.

2019 Death of a Parrot.

foreverfan

MUCH NEEDED PARTY INFORMATION!
NOT A JOKE...

Jagermeister can taste like Root Beer Barrel Candies.
Approved by years of Mardi Gras parade testing.

If your Jagermeister doesn't taste like Root Beer Barrel Candies, you are doing it wrong.

First... REQUIRED: it has to be FREEZING COLD. Second... you need TEST TUBE SHOOTERS. The test tubes shooters help keep it on the middle of the tongue and off the rest of your mouth. Third... THIS IS KEY... make sure the shot touches the front of your tongue where the sweetness receptors are.

Finally... Don't do the entire shot at one time and try to keep the shot on only the middle of your tongue. Do the shot in 3 or 4 tastes. This makes it easier to keep it right in the middle of your tongue. If you do it this way, it will taste like a root beer barrel candy and is oddly pleasant. I have shown many people at Mardi Gras how to drink this correctly. All were convinced. If you don't do it this way, it will taste like medicine especially if it isn't cold enough.

Doing Five or Six shots will give you a great buzz the entire parade and you won't have to pee.

Trust me... it works. I always have a bottle of Jagermeister in my freezer.














NEVER MAKE THIS FACE AGAIN!
Keep away from SkyMike.

2019 Death of a Parrot.

SmashMouth

A pastor's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the congregation and asked for a raise.

After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his paycheck.
After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's expanding salary.
A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much the clergyman's additional children were costing the church, and how much more it could potentially cost.
After listening to them for about an hour, the pastor rose from his chair and spoke:
“Children are a gift from God, and we will take as many gifts as He gives us.”
Silence fell on the congregation.
In the back pew, a little old lady struggled to stand, and finally said in her frail voice:
“Rain is also a gift from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.”
The entire congregation said: “Amen.”

44Champs

A married circus couple goes to the adoption agency to adopt a child.
But the social workers are concerned about what kind of living conditions they can provide. So the couple shows them a picture of their 50 ft motor home with all the comforts and amenities, and that satisfies their concern.

But then the social workers want to know what kind of education the child would receive. The couple tells them that they've arranged for full-time tutors that will teach the child all the regular subjects along with computer skills and several foreign languages, and this satisfies the social workers.

But next the social workers are concerned about the child being raised in a circus environment. "No problem" said the wife. We already have a full-time nanny that's certified in nutrition, CPR and pediatric care.

Well now the social workers are fully satisfied and ask the couple, "Now what age child are you hoping to adopt?"

The husband says "It really doesn't matter as long as the kid can fit in the cannon."

XLIV CHAMPS

dam1953

An old friend moved in to a nice neighborhood. About a week after moving in, at 9 am, there was a knock his door. When he answered the door standing there was a 90 year old neighbor asking if my friend had seen his wife. This went on every day.... 9 am knock at the door with the old man asking about his wife. So, my buddy asks around the neighborhood and finds out that the old guy has Alzheimer's and that his wife had passed away some years ago. The next morning, 9 am, there's the expected knock at the door with the old guy asking about his wife. So, my friend decides to level with the old guy and tell's him that his wife is dead, at which time the old guy turns and walks away. Now this continues for the better part of a month....9 am knock at the door, old guy asks about his wife, my friend tells him she is dead, old guy turns and leaves, only to return the next day.

So, I ask my friend what the hell he's going to do. He says that he actually thought about calling the police, the nursing home or possibly even moving to another neighborhood. Then he realized that it made his day to see that big smile on the old guys face every time he told him his wife was dead.

”It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” Charles Darwin

44Champs

A kid comes home from school. He tells his father his mathematics teacher wants to see him. His father asks why and kid says "well he asked me what is 6x7 and i said 42 then he asked me what is 7x6 and i said what the F*K is the difference?" his father says "ok i will visit your teacher when i have time.".

Next day he asks his father if he talked with his teacher. Dad says "not yet.". Then kid says "When you come to my schools visit my P.E teacher too.". His father asks "what happened?" Kid says " He wanted me to raise my left arm and i did, then he wanted me to raise my right arm and i did, then he wanted me to raise my left leg i did that too but then he told me to raise my right leg and i said what am i going to stand on? my d*k?". His dad says "ok son i will give him a visit too".

Next day kid says his dad "dad have you visited my teachers?". Dad says "not yet.". Kid says "there is no need to anymore i got expelled." dad "why did you expelled?". Kid tells "They called me to principals office there were my mathematics teacher, my P.E teacher and my history teacher." Dad asks " What the f*k was your history teacher doing there?"

and kid says "Yeah i asked the same.".

foreverfan

That's what I said too.

SmashMouth

Three ducks walked into a bar....

"What's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck.

"Huey," was the reply.

"How's your day been, Huey?"

"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey

"Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?"

"Dewey," came the answer from duck number two.

"So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked.

"Great. Lovely wet day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?"

The bartender turned to the third duck and said,
"So, you must be Louie?"

"No," she said batting her eyelashes, "My name is Puddles."

foreverfan