Re: Joke of the Day
 

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct tape!" The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. ''Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"It's a p*ssy willow."

"Wait up... I'll get my hat!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A guy is on a date with this really hot chick, so he takes her up to Lover's Lane. Things start getting hot and heavy and, just when they were about to go to third base, she says "I have to be honest with you, I'm a hooker."

The man thinks for a bit but, being really in the mood, he asks "How much?" She replied, "For you, $25 since I like ya."

He agrees to pay her $25, and they start having sex. After they finish, the guy says, ''I have to be honest with you too now. I'm a cab driver and it'll cost you $25 for a ride back to town.''

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A well respected Captain in the Marines was transferred to a remote desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men's barracks.

He asked the First Sergeant leading the tour, "Why's a camel tied out behind the barracks?"

The First Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from any where, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do... uh... we have the camel."

The Captain said, "Well, I suppose if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain just couldn't control his sexual angst any longer. He ordered to his First Sergeant to, "Bring the camel to my tent!"

The First Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and led the camel into the Captain's quarters.

A couple mintutes later the Captain emerges from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride boasted "So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?"

The First Sergeant, still in shock, replied "Well, sir, they usually justuse it to ride to town."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A couple walked into a tourist shop in Jamaica. The Jamaican said to them, I have some special sandals I think you would be interested in. "Dey makes you wild at sex."

Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex God he was.

The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon." So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips.

The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on the de wrong feet man! You got dem on de wrong feet!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex lives...

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:

"If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?"

Mike replies: "Wait a minute, I'm going for a piss."

The teacher says: "That would be very rude and improper on your part."

Charlie replies: "I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a minute."

The teacher says: "That's much better but to mention the word "toilet" during a meal, is unpleasant."

And Little Johnny says: "My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner."


---

This one made me laugh so hard i cried.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.

"God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, Janice didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

"Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!"

... the teacher fainted!

Re: Joke of the Day
 

The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached all the time. The midget went to the doctor and told him about his problem.. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him.

The doctor put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Hmm..." mumbled the doctor, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor, and reached for his surgical scissors... Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side... Then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side.

The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt.

The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his testicles were no longer aching The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it.. What did you do?" The doctor replied "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots...

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Re: Joke of the Day
 

I just heard Chris Brown is gonna sing on Rhiannas new album. I'm sure its gonna be a hit...

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing.

He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green.
He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears... Ribbit 9 Iron.'

The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.'

He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts the club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! He hits it 10 inches from the cup. He is shocked.

He says to the frog, 'Wow that's amazing... You must be a lucky frog, eh?
The frog replies, 'Ribbit Lucky frog.'

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.
'What do you think frog?' the man asks. 'Ribbit 3 wood.' The guy takes out a 3 wood and, boom! Hole in one...

The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say.
By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and
asks the frog, 'OK where to next?' The frog replies, 'Ribbit Las Vegas ..

They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, 'OK frog, now What?'
The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.'

Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks, 'What do you think I should Bet?'

The frog replies, 'Ribbit Everything on black 6.' Now, this is a
million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man figures the frog can't miss so what the heck.

Then Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the Hotel.

He sits the frog down and says, 'Frog, I don't know how to repay you...
You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.'

The frog replies, 'Ribbit KissMe.' He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him, he deserves it.. and with a kiss, the frog turns into a
gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

'And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.
So help me God or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.'

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Usually everyone who has a dog would call him Rover or something, well I call mine “Sex”. Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew how embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o’clock in the morning. I said, “I was looking for Sex.”

My court case comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said “I would like to have one too!” When I said “But this is a dog,” he said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand. I’ve had Sex since I was two years old.”

He replied, “You must have been a strong boy.”

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, “But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex.”

He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex. Then I said, “You don’t understand. Sex keeps me awake at night”, and the clerk said,”Me too.”

One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said, “Show off!” I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married” and the Judge said, “Me too.”

When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, “Me too.”

Well now I’ve been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, “What seems to be the trouble?”

I replied, “Well, Sex has died and left my life. It’s like losing a best friend and it’s so lonely.”

The doctor said, “Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn’t man’s best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

My frustrated wife decided our sex life needed alittle spicing up. So, after work she went shopping and picked up a fancy pair of crotchless panties. She went home and slid the new garment on and selected a short skirt to go with it.

She greeted me when I came home from work and sat down on the couch across from me. She slowly spread her legs... then said "Honey would you like some of this?" I took a moment, then said "Hell no, look what it’s done to your underwear!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

The New Priest’s First Mass

The new Priest was so nervous at his first mass that he could hardly speak. Before the second week in the pulpit he asked the bishop how he could relax. The Bishop said, "Next week, put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should run smoothly."

The next Sunday, the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was able to talk up a storm and felt just great. Upon returning to the rectory, however, he found a note from the Bishop...

1.Next time sip, rather than gulp.
2.There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3.There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
4.David slew Goliath, he didn't kick the **** out of him.
5.We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his Apostles as "J.C. and the boys."
6.Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy.
7.We do not refer to the cross as "The Big T."
8.We do not refer to the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost as "Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook."
9.The recommended way of saying grace is not Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, Yea God!"
10.And last but not least, it is the "Virgin Mary," not "Mary with the cherry."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said:

"Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave."

But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering:

"Dave... Dave... Dave, you sick bastard. You're a vet."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Married Life – Going To The Bar

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.

So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.

"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses... "

He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie h?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.

"But my sweet honey...at the bar....you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."

"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?..."LISTEN UP D*CKHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE F*CK UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR F*CKIN' HORS D'OEUVRES. BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A F*CKIN' BAR! THAT SH*IT IS OVER... GOT IT, AS*HOLE?"

...and then she lived happily ever after.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

My Wife Has No Sense Of Humor

So the other night my wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we're laying in bed. I looked over at her and, in my sexiest voice, asked her "Wanna have sex?"

"No." She answered.

I said, "Is that your final answer?"

"Yes." She replied.

So I said, "I'd like to phone a friend."

That's the last thing I remember...

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Dave was recently married and was at a bar with his friends.

One of the guys asked him, "So! How are you liking married life?"

Dave says, "I don't like it worth a damn! I've been married 6 months and we only have sex 3 times a week!"

Guy responds, "That aint nothing! I know 6 guys she cut out all together!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

I know I will get in trouble for this!

Re: Joke of the Day
 

The wife left a note on the fridge: "It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Have gone to stay at my Mother's."

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.

I have no idea what in the hell she was talking about............the fridge works fine.


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Re: Joke of the Day
 

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.

The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I'm glad to see you've regained consciousness. You probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it".

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.

They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1,000 an inch".

The man perks up.

"So", the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. I understand that you've been married for over forty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit intimidated. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision".

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The doctor comes back the next day and asks, "So, have you spoken with your wife"?

"Yes I have", says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision"?

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision"? asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops".

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Two horny young boys see a dog licking himself.

One of the boys says, "I wish I could do that."
to which the other boy says... "You probably could...
but you might have to pet him first."

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

A baby seal walks into a bar.

"What can I get you?" asks the bartender

"Anything but a Canadian Club!" replies the seal

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday.

She spends $15,000 and feels pretty good about the results.

On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32" is the reply.

"Nope! I am 50!" the woman says happily.

Later she asks the counter girl at McDonalds the same question.

The girl replies, "I guess around 29."

The woman says with a big smile, "I am 50!"

Now she is really feeling good about herself. She stops in a drug store to buy some mints and asks the clerk the same question.

The clerk responds, "I'd say around 30."

Again she proudly responds, "I am 50! But thank you!"

While waiting on the bus to go home, she asks a 78 yeard old man how old he thinks she is.

He reples, "Lady, I am 78 and my eyesight isn't too good. But when I was younger I had a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman is. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then, can I tell you exactly how old you are."

The woman thinks about it and see that there is no one else around and agrees to it.

The old man slips both of his hands under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple.

After a couple minutes of this, she says, "Okay, Okay... How old am I?"

He feels her breasts one last time and says, "Lady, you are 50."

Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That is incredible! How could you tell?"

The old man says, "I was behind you at McDonalds!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

AMAZING, SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES:
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU NEED ONLY TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A blind guy goes to the lumber yard looking for a job. The management is skeptical of a blind man being able to work in a lumber yard but the blind man insists he can do the job. The yard foreman says, "if you can pass this test, you got a job".

He brings in a piece of lumber puts in on the desk, the blind guy sniffs it up and down and pronounces, "pine, 2x4, 8 feet long". The foreman is amazed but calls for another piece of lumber, blind guy sniffs it, says, "Douglas fir, 6x6, 10 foot long".

The foreman can't believe it so he gets the boss' secretary to come in quietly and lay down on the desk, blind guy sniffs her up and down, shakes his head and asks the foreman to turn it over, the blind guy sniffs again up and down and smiles, "you guys are trying to fool me, well, its five foot six inches and its the **** house door off a tuna boat".

Re: Joke of the Day
 

I told my blonde secretary I was expecting a very important call from overseas.

During a meeting she comes in and says "You have an important call waiting".

I said, "is it from abroad?"

She says, "no, its a guy".

Re: Joke of the Day
 

OK, my little girl told me this riddle.

When you go into the bathroom, you're an American.

When you come out of the bathroom, you're an American.

But, what are you when you're in the bathroom?

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

Little Johnny rushes home from school. He invades the fridge and is scooping out some cherry vanilla ice cream when his mother enters the kitchen. She says, "Put that away Johnny! You can't have ice cream now. It's too close to supper time. Go outside and play."

Johnny whimpers and says, "There's no one to play with." Trying to placate him, she says, "OK, I'll play with you. What do you want to play?" He says, "I wanna play Mommie and Daddy."

Trying not to register surprise, and to further appease him, she says, "Fine, I'll play. What do I do?" Johnny says, "You go up to the bedroom and lie down." Figuring that she can easily control the situation, she goes upstairs.

Johnny, feeling a bit cocky, swaggers down the hall and opens the utility closet. He dons his father's old fishing hat. As he starts up the stairs he notices a cigarette butt in the ashtray on the end table. He picks it up and slips it in the corner of his mouth. At the top of the stairs he moves to the bedroom doorway.

His mother raises up and says, "What do I do now?" In a gruff manner, Johnny says, "Get your butt downstairs and get that kid some ice cream!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

It was the first day of third grade in a new town for Little Johnny. As a test, his teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50. Some did very well, counting as high as 30 or 40 with just a few mistakes. Others couldn't get past 20. Little Johnny, however, did extremely well; he counted past 50, right up to 100 without any mistakes. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Alabama, son."

The next day, in Language Class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. It's third grade, so most could make it half way through without too much trouble. Some made it to S or T, but Little Johnny rattled off the alphabet perfectly right to the end. That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "That's because you are from Alabama, son."

The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted that, compared to the other boys in his grade, he seemed overly "well endowed." This confused him. That night he told his dad, "Dad, they all have little tiny ones, but mine is ten times bigger than theirs. Is that because I'm from Alabama?" he asked.

"No, son," explained his Dad, "That's because you're 18."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

What a load of crap! ;)

Re: Joke of the Day
 

European

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Doing your dootie?

Re: Joke of the Day
 

When you are over sixty who gives a s#!t?


This a$$hole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Corona or Bud?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

***********

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds,had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

***********

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling herboobs.

"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."

After about thirtyseconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said.

"Come on, what day was I born"?

I said, “Yesterday."

***********

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.

The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

***********

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said, "Nice legs."

The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."

I said "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. Having asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him and the little boy said, "I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor." It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough from their laughter for the worship service to be continue.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

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Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!!!!

Re: Joke of the Day
 

I would always leave homework until the last minute, because I would be older and therefore wiser.