|
Re: Joke of the Day
After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.
"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?" "Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit". Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her. "Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.." |
Re: Joke of the Day
Little Johnny is playing in the street with his friends. He runs into the house and says “Mom, what’s it called when two people share a room and one lies on top of the other?”
His mom is a little bit taken back and quickly decides to tell Johnny the truth “That’s called sexual intercourse, Johnny”. Little Johnny looks stumped, and he runs back to his friends in the street. 2 minutes later, he runs back into the house and says “Mom! you liar! Its not called sexual intercourse, it’s called BUNK BEDS!” |
Re: Joke of the Day
D.I.V.O.R.C.E....
An old man in Miami calls up his son in New York and says, "Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough." "Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. “We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,” he says. "I'm sick of her face, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Chicago and tell her," and he hangs up. Now, the son is worried. So he calls up his sister. She says, "Like hell they’re getting divorced!" and calls her father immediately. "You’re not getting divorced! Don't do another thing, the two of us are flying home tomorrow to talk about this. Until then, don't call a lawyer, don't file a paper, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and she hangs up. The old man turns to his wife and says "Okay, they’re coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares." |
Re: Joke of the Day
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Want to hear a blonde joke?" In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm going to have to explain it five times."
|
Re: Joke of the Day
A worried father confronted his daughter one night. "I don't like that new boyfriend, he's rough and common and bloody stupid with it."
"Oh no, Daddy," the daughter replied, "Fred's ever so clever, we've only been going out nine weeks and he's cured me of that illness I used to get once a month." |
Re: Joke of the Day
One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it’s his daughter’s birthday.
He pulls over to a Toy Shop and asks the sales person, “How much for one of those Barbie’s in the display window?” The salesperson answers, “Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95″. The amazed father asks: “It’s what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?” The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: “Sir…, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken’s Car, Ken’s House, Ken’s Boat, Ken’s Furniture, Ken’s Computer, one of Ken’s Friends, and a key chain made with Ken’s balls. |
Re: Joke of the Day
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, he sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, 'Dark in here.' The man says, 'Yes, it is.' Boy: 'I have a baseball.' Man: 'That's nice' Boy: 'Want to buy it?' Man: 'No, thanks.' Boy: 'My Dad's outside.' Man: 'OK, how much?' Boy: '$250' In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy: 'Dark in here.' Man: 'Yes, it is.' Boy: 'I have a baseball glove.' The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, How much?' Boy: '$750' Man: 'Sold.' A few days later, the Dad says to the boy , 'Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch.' The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove.' The Dad asks, 'How much did you sell them for?' Boy: '$1,000' The Dad says, 'That's terrible to over charge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession.' They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door . The boy says, 'Dark in here.' The priest says, 'Don't start that **** again; you're in my closet now.' |
Re: Joke of the Day
A young Texan grew up wanting to be a lawman. He grew up big, 6' 2", strong as a longhorn, and fast as a mustang. He could shoot a bottle cap tossed in the air at 40 paces.
When he finally came of age, he applied to where he had only dreamed of working: a West Texas Sheriff's Department. After a series of tests and interviews, the Chief Deputy finally called him into his office for the young man's last interview. The Chief Deputy said, "You're a big strong kid and you can really shoot. So far your qualifications all look good, but we have, what you might call, an "Attitude Suitability Test", that you must take before you can be accepted. We just don't let anyone carry our badge, son." Then, sliding a service pistol and a box of ammo across the desk, the Chief said, "Take this pistol and go out and shoot: six illegal aliens, six lawyers, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, six Obama supporters, and a rabbit." "Why the rabbit?" queried the applicant. "You pass," said the Chief Deputy."When can you start?" |
Re: Joke of the Day
A teacher was teaching her second grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her her students to ask their parents what the government is.
When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask his what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, ''Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the work force, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.'' ''I still don't get it'' responded the Little Johnny. ''Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,'' said the dad. ''Okay then...good night'' said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the work force, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of ****!'' |
Re: Joke of the Day
"That wife of mine is a liar", said the angry husband to his friend sitting next to him at the bar.
"How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley." "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!" |
Re: Joke of the Day
This really works and will only take about ten seconds!!!
Do the math and the final number will exactly match your favorite movie. I am good at math, so I did it in my head, then on paper, and finally on a calculator just to confirm my numerical capabilities. Each time I got the same answer, and sure enough it IS my very favorite movie EVER! DO NOT cheat. DO YOUR math, THEN compare the results to the list of movies at the bottom. You will be AMAZED at how accurate this test is! 1. Pick a number from 1-9. 2. Multiply that number by 3. 3. Add 3. 4. Multiply by 3 again. 5. Your total will be a two digit number. Add the first and second digits together to find your favorite movie (of all time) in the list of 17 movies below: Movie List: 1. Gone With the Wind 2. E.T. 3. Blazing Saddles 4. Star Wars 5. Forrest Gump 6. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly 7. Jaws 8. Grease 9. The Obama Farewell Speech 10. Casablanca 11. Jurassic Park 12. Shrek 13. Pirates of the Caribbean 14. Titanic 15. Raiders of the Lost Ark 16. Home Alone 17. Mrs. Doubtfire Now, isn't that amazing? |
Re: Joke of the Day
The Washington Redskins are changing their name because of all the negativity, shame, humiliation, dissent, polarity, adversity, defiance, hatred, animosity, contempt, discrimination, division, violence, counter-productivity, ill-spirit, un-Godliness, and hostility associated with their name.
From now on they will be known simply as the Redskins. |
Re: Joke of the Day
Completely Inappropriate Jokes
A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, "I can't believe they screwed my wife after only five beers!" ______________________________________________ Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!" ______________________________________________ I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking back, I really should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every day. _____________________________________________ Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the hell out of this idiot at a party. In my defense … when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in. ____________________________________________________ My wife just came in and said, "I don't know if I am coming or going." I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're going - 'cus when you're coming, you look like a goat trying to whistle!" ____________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ The misses asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer. _______________________________________________________________ What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own damn bike, and wanted to go home! ____________________________________________________ A Guy walks up to a beautiful woman in a bar and says, "You remind me of my little toe." She replies, "What? You Mean I'm small and cute?" He says, "No. I'll probably bang you on the coffee table later, when I'm drunk." |
Re: Joke of the Day
There I was, sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large,
trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home, there I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve. Then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?" |
Re: Joke of the Day
A group of Iranian students on US visas were protesting on their college campus in TX near construction of a new cultural center.
As construction workers walked by the student chanted "death to America!!" Feeling uncomfortable, one of the construction workers punched an Iranian protester in the face and said, "No American. E legal immigrant." |
Re: Joke of the Day
Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.
Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Kevin's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three mates get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire. "Kevin how long you been here? How did you talk your missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night. After dinner at home yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'. I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing sexy brand new lingerie. She said had been reading 'Fifty Shades of Grey' and she had a devilish look in her eyes! She took my hand and led me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did. Then she said, "Do whatever you want." So, here I am! |
Re: Joke of the Day
One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place
I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledge-hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer,time after time after time. "No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Obama. The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said............ "OK, Monica, you're free to go." :goodidea: |
Re: Joke of the Day
The train was quite crowded and a U.S. Marine had walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular. 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.' The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was still under that dog. 'Please Ma'am. May I sit down? I'm very tired.' She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!' This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down. The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!' An English gentleman sitting opposite spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong b.itch out of the window'. |
Re: Joke of the Day
What did momma bumblebee say to her bad little boy?
Bee have or I'm gonna beat that bee hind! ok I made this up but drink a few beers and stew on it. |
Re: Joke of the Day
A young Ontario woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by
throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy , the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ." "I see," the captain says. Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." "He certainly is," replied the captain, "this is the Toronto Island Ferry." |
Re: Joke of the Day
THIS SHOULD OFFEND AT LEAST TWO GROUPS, THAT HAVE NO SENSE OF HUMOR
At the end of a tiny deserted bar in downtown Detroit sat a huge black man. He was having a few beers, when a short, well dressed, and obviously gay man walked in and sat beside him. After three or four beers, the gay man got the courage to say a few words to the big black man. Leaning over towards him, he whispered, "Do you want a blow job?" At this, the massive black man leaped up with fire in his eyes, and smacked the crap out of the gay man, knocking him swiftly off his stool. He proceeded to beat him all the way out of the bar, before leaving him bruised and battered in the parking lot, and returning to his seat. Amazed, the bartender quickly brought over another beer to the black man, and said, "I've never seen you react like that. "What did he say to you?" "I don't know," the black man replied. "Something about a job." |
Re: Joke of the Day
It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung the wash out to dry and then went into town to pick up her dry cleaning. "Gootness, its hotter den hell today ", she mused to herself as she walked down Main Street.
She passed a tavern and thought to herself, "Vy nodt." She walked in, and quietly took a seat at the end of the bar. The bartender walked up to her and said; "and what would you like to drink today". "Ya know" Helga said in a timid voice, "I don't usually go into za bars, but today I vill make an exception. It is zo hot, I tink I vill have myself a beer" The bartender smiled at Helga and asked;" Anheuser Busch?" Helga blushed and said; "Vell it's fine tanks, und how's yur viener" |
Re: Joke of the Day
Quote:
|
Re: Joke of the Day
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that something was wrong with his thing and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office and was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his penis hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your Mom." she screamed. "I did," he said, "and she told me that if I could stick it out till noon she'd come and pick me up." |
Re: Joke of the Day
Quote:
|
Re: Joke of the Day
An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favor?'
'Of course child. What may I do for you?' 'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.' When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next please!' |
Re: Joke of the Day
On a bitterly cold winter’s morning a husband and wife in Fargo, North Dakota were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say, “We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so snow plows can get through conveniently”. So the good wife, who was an uninformed voter, went out and moved her car as instructed. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, “We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through.” The good wife, who was an uninformed voter, went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, “We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ” Then the power went off. . . . . . . .! The good wife, who was an uninformed voter, was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, “I don’t know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plow can get through?” Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice that men who are married to uninformed voters always exhibit, the husband replied, “Why don’t you just leave the car in the garage this time?” |
Re: Joke of the Day
Jenny, a blonde girl, came skipping home from school one day.
“Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!” “Very good,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde?” Jenny asked. “Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!” “Very good, Jenny,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?” “Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.” The next day Jenny came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. “Very good,” said her embarrassed mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?” “No Honey, it’s because you’re 24.” |
Re: Joke of the Day
My maid wanted a salary raise.
I asked for 3 reasons on why she deserved a raise. Maid: I can cook better than you. Me: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told Me! Me: Ok, second reason? Maid: I can iron Better than you. Me: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told me. Me: Ok, and the third reason? Maid: I am also Better in bed than you! This time I got very mad & was getting ready to break her head. I asked, Did my husband say that? Maid: No, your driver told me that I'm better in bed than you are. Me: Please lower your voice. I will increase your salary.... |
Re: Joke of the Day
|
Re: Joke of the Day
A little boy was sitting on the curb with a bottle of turpentine.
He was shaking it up and watching the bubbles when a priest walked by. The priest asked the boy what he had in the bottle. The little boy said, "Preacher, the most powerful liquid in the world is in this bottle!" The priest said, "Oh no son! The most powerful liquid in the world is Holy Water! You can pour a bottle of it on a pregnant woman's stomach and she will pass a baby boy!" The little boy said, "Hell! That ain't nothing! You put 2 drops of this on a cat's a$$ and it will pass a motorcycle!" |
Re: Joke of the Day
Lady:: How long have you been smoking?
Man: 15 years L: How many packs of cigarettes do you smoke a day? M: 3 packs L: and how much do you spend per pack? M: $7 a pack L: So 3 packs a day at $7 each - that's $7,665 that youre throwing away every year. Do you realize that if you hadnt smoked for the last 15 years, you could have had a Ferrari by now? M: Do you smoke? L: No M: Then where's your f*ng Ferrari? |
Re: Joke of the Day
I've had enough of Christmas. All year long I work my ****ing ass off to buy all the presents that my kids ask for. And what happens Christmas morning? That fat ****er with a beard gets all the credit! Still, I suppose it's my fault for marrying her.
|
Re: Joke of the Day
A couple drove down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither would concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the husband replied. "In-laws."
|
Re: Joke of the Day
A bus carrying lots of women crashed.. Their husbands cried for a week and moved on. However, Dennis was still crying even after 2 weeks. His neighbor asked him why was he still crying? He replied, "My wife missed the bus"
|
Re: Joke of the Day
While examining the body of Mr. Schwartz, a mortician notices that Schwartz has the largest penis he has ever seen. "I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz," says the mortician, "But I can't send you to be cremated with a tremendously huge penis like this. It has to be saved for posterity."
The mortician removes the penis, places it in a jar and puts the jar in his briefcase. When he gets home, he decides to show it to his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he says, removing the jar from his briefcase. "Oh my God!" she screams, "Schwartz is dead!?" |
Re: Joke of the Day
The train was travelling along when a beautiful young woman entered the compartment which was deserted except for a businessman reading his paper. The man peered over his paper and asked "Would you let me kiss you for fifty pence?" "Certainly not!" exclaimed the young woman, and the businessman returned to his paper. A short while later he looked across again and said "Would you let me kiss you for a thousand pounds?" After a brief pause, the woman replied "yes, I suppose I would." Again the man returned to his newspaper. A few minutes later the man asked "Would you let me kiss you for five pounds?" "Certainly not!" replied the young woman, getting angry now "What kind of girl do you take me for?" "We've already established that" replied the man, "We're just haggling over the price!"
|
Re: Joke of the Day
WHY OLD MEN NEVER GET HIRED:
Job Interview: Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?" Older Man : "Honesty." Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness." Older Man : "I don't really give a **** what you think." |
Re: Joke of the Day
IS TEXTING REALLY AS GOOD AS A PHONE CALL?
Text to mom: "Hello mom, I need your advice. I have some of my boyfriend's cum stuck in my hair. How do I get it out? Will I have to cut it out?" Text from mom to daughter:" It’s nice you can send me such a frank text. No, you won't have to cut it out. I've had loads of cum in my hair over the years and it will just wash out." Daughter back to mom:"Oh my God, mom.........sorry, I meant to spell gum." |
Re: Joke of the Day
There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident.
He became very depressed because he loved to play golf. One day in his despair, he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man down on the side walk skipping along, whooping and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all. He started thinking, "What am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself? I still have one good arm to do things with." He thought "There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life." He hurried down to the sidewalk and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he lost one of his arms and felt useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him for saving his life and said he knew he could make it with one arm if the guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whooping and kicking up his heels again. He asked "why are you so happy anyway"? He said, "I'm NOT happy, I'm jumping because my balls itch! |
| All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:05 PM. |
Copyright 1997 - 2020 - BlackandGold.com