Re: Joke of the Day
 

Since my answer has to be honest, can I also hope that Obama was out in the water in a failed attempt to save his VP's life. Otherwise the situation becomes much scarier.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A few minutes before the church services started in a rural Texas town, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the rear entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon the church was empty except for one elderly cowboy who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said, 'Do you know who I am?'

The old cowboy replied, 'Yep, sure do.'

'Aren't you afraid of me?' Satan asked.

'Nope, sure ain't.' said the cowboy.

'Don't you realize I can kill you with one word?' asked Satan.

Don't doubt it for a minute,' returned the old man, in an even tone.

'Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all
eternity?' persisted Satan.

'Yep,' was the calm reply.

'And you are still not afraid?' asked Satan.

'Nope,' said the old cowboy.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked, 'Why aren't you afraid of me?'

The old Texas cowboy calmly replied, 'Been married to your sister for 48 years.'

Re: Joke of the Day
 

The Irish

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?'

The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.'

The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.'

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box.

He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!'

The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'


Lemon Squeeze

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'

The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'

The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'

The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.'

The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'

The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'


Donation

Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'
'It is!'
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'

'I can!'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

'I do!'

'Is he a member of your congregation?'

'He is!'

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

'He will.'


Confession

An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:

Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitch-hiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'

Man: 'What sins?'

Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'

Man: 'I'm Jewish.'

Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 92 years old . . . . I'm telling everybody!'


Senility

An elderly man, Don, went to his doctor and said, 'Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.' 'That's not senility,' replied the doctor. 'Senility is when you forget to zip down.'


Pest Control

A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. 'Who are you?' he asked him.

'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator.
What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.

'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied.

'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards! '


Marriage Humor

Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing . . . ? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiration date.'



Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'



Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'



Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'



A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'



A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most about me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'

Re: Joke of the Day
 

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing.

Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, “Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here.”

Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, “What’s the matter Jim?”

Jim shouts back, “Throw me my 7-iron! You can’t get out of here with an 8-iron.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A psychologist is in his office, tending to business in between appointments, when a man bursts in, frantic:

“Doc, you’ve gotta help me! I’m having an identity crisis! First I think I’m a wigwam, then I think I’m a tepee! I’m a wigwam! I’m a tepee! I’m a wigwam! I’m a tepee!”

The psychologist says, “Whoa whoa whoa! Sit down and relax…

…you’re just two tents.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/0d/0dd77...e350e38a5c.jpg

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Re: Joke of the Day
 

Facebook Kills

http://yarr.me/c/291/24/facebook-kills.png

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Farmer John lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day.

So one day Farmer John called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW--SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Farmer John called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Farmer John called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the Farmer John do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling every day to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Farmer John.

Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the sheriff and he decided to give Farmer John a call. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... it might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..." So the sheriff drove out to Farmer John's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign. It was spray-painted on a sheet of wood:






NUDIST COLONY





GO SLOW AND WATCH OUT FOR THE CHICKS

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh just below her bikini line.
She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking really good. The woman then instructs him to put a Santa tattoo with “Merry Christmas” up on her left thigh.
So the guy does it and it comes out looking good, too. As the woman is getting dressed to leave, the tattoo artist asks, “If you don’t mind, could you tell me why you had me put such unusual tattoos on your thighs?”
She says “I’m sick and tired of my husband complaining all the time that there’s nothing good to eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas!”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar. He walks over and asks Paul what’s wrong.
“Well,” replies Paul, “you know that beautiful girl at work that I wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?”
“Yes,” replies Jeff with a laugh.
“Well,” says Paul, straightening up, “I finally plucked up the courage to ask her out, and she agreed.”
“That’s great!” says Jeff, “When are you going out?”
“I went to meet her this evening,” continues Paul, “but I was worried I’d get an erection again. So I got some duct tape and taped my penis to my leg, so if I did, it wouldn’t show.”
“Sensible” says Jeff.
“So I get to her door,” says Paul, “and I rang her doorbell. She answered it in the sheerest, tiniest dress you ever saw.”
“And what happened then?”
(Paul slumps back over the bar again.)
“I kicked her in the face.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A man goes to his doctor and complains that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex with him for the past six months.
The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her and hopefully determine what the problem is.
The following day, the wife goes to the doctor’s office. The doctor asks her what’s wrong, why doesn't she want to have sex with her husband?
“Oh, that’s easily explained. For the past six months,” the wife says, “I’ve been taking a cab to work every morning. I don’t have any money. The cab driver asks me, ‘Are you going to pay today, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what’.”
“Then, when I get to work,” she continues, “I’m late, so the boss asks me, ‘Are we going to write this down in the book, or what?’ So, I take an ‘or what’.
I take a cab to go home after work and, as usual, I have no money. The cab driver asks me again, ‘So, are you going to pay this time, or what?’ Again, I take an ‘or what’.
So you see, doc, by the time I get home I’m all tired out and don’t want it anymore.”
“Yes, I see,” replies the doctor. “So, are we going to tell your husband, or what?”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife’s arm.

The wife turns over and says “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

The husband, rejected, turns over.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

“Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A couple was in bed, and the husband starts fondling his wife's tits and says, "if these could produce milk, we could get rid of the cow." Then he moves his fingers down to her ***** and says, "If this could lay eggs, we could get rid of the chicken." Annoyed, the wife grabs his dick and says, "If this could stay hard, we could get rid of your brother."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

***************************************************
Men know how to negotiate!

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Yes, but it typically is cheaper to rent than to buy.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A Rabbi's wife was expecting a baby, so he stood before the
congregation and asked for a raise.

After much discussion, they passed a rule that whenever the Rabbi's
family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After six children, this started to get expensive and the congregation decided to hold another meeting to discuss the Rabbi's expanding salary.

A great deal of yelling and inner bickering ensued, as to how much
the Rabbi's additional children were costing the shul, and how much
more it could potentially cost.

After listening to them for about an hour, the Rabbi rose from his
chair and spoke, 'Children are a gift from God and we will take as many
gifts as He gives us.

Silence fell on the congregation.

In the back of the shul, little old Mrs. Goldberg struggled to stand,
and finally said in her frail voice, 'Rain is also a gift from God, but
when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers.'

The entire congregation said, 'Amen!'

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Friendship is...

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.

His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home?"

"Because he's thinking of getting married."

:needle:

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A Pediatrician, a Lawyer, and a Priest are on the deck of the Titanic when it starts sinking.
The Pediatrician yells, "save the children",
the lawyer responds with "Fu*# the children",
and Preist then asks "you think we have time?"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A drunkard walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her lustfully. Sure enough, she quickly jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her!”

“Why you worthless, insufferable, wretched, no good drunk!” she screamed.

“That’s funny.” He muttered, “You even sound exactly like her!”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

While walking home from school one day, little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Somewhat curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. He finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

“I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to see what was happening and I saw and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy….”

At this point, his mother had an idea and cut him off, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story. I think you should save the rest of it for supper time because I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”

Later that night at the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He describes the car going into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat and, “Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A man’s wife disappears and he’s accused of killing her. At the trial, his lawyer tells the jury, “Ladies and gentlemen, I have amazing news. Not only is my client’s wife actually alive, but she’ll walk through that door in ten seconds."
An expectant silence settles over the courtroom, but nothing happens.
“Think about that,” the lawyer says. “The fact that you were watching the door, expecting to see the missing woman, proves that you have a reasonable doubt as to whether a murder was actually committed.”
He sits down confidently, and the judge sends the jury off to deliberate. They return in ten minutes and declare the man guilty.
“Guilty?” says the lawyer. “How can that be? You were all watching the door!”
“Most of us were watching the door,” says the foreman. “But one of us was watching the defendant, and he wasn't watching the door

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump. Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend." But the blonde insisted saying, "No. A bet's a bet." Then the redhead said, "Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money." The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A brunette walks up to her blonde friend and said,"I slept with a brazilian last night"shocked the blonde replies,"you slut! how many is a brazilian?"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

An elderly couple was driving cross-country and the woman was driving. They were pulled over by the highway patrolman. The patrol asks, "Ma'am, did you know that you were speeding?" She looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The husband shouted, "He says you were speeding!" The patrolman says, "May I see your license, please?" She looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The husband shouted, "He wants to see you license!" The woman gave him the license and the patrolman looks at it and says, "I see you're from Arkansas. I spent some time there, I had the worst sex I ever had with a woman I met there." The woman looks at her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The husband shouted, "He thinks he knows you!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight..
Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a blowjob." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A new priest, born and raised in Texas, comes to serve in a city parish and is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions.

The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,’ and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.’"

The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with one hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, "No shyt, what happened next?"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Bill sat alone in the hospital room at his dying wife's beside. It was difficult to hear her above the many life sustaining devices, as her voice was little more than a hoarse whisper.
"Bill darling," she breathed. "I've got a confession to make before I
go... I ... I'm the one who took the $10,000 from your safe in the house ... I spent it on a fling with your best friend Jimmy.
And it was I who forced your mistress to leave the community in utter disgrace. I'm afraid I also was the one who reported you to the IRS for income tax evasion..."
"That's all right dear; don't even give it a second thought." said Bill.
"I have a small confession too. I'm the one who poisoned you."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked
straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband".

The pharmacist's eyes got big and he explained, "Lord have mercy! I
can't give you cyanide to kill your husband; that's against the law? I'll lose my license!

They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of
her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, "You didn't tell me
you had a prescription."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Two rednecks in a trailer park were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer.

After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"


The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question.

Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks him, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?"

Farmer: Some things you just can't explain.
Man: So what happened that's so horrible?


Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.
Man: Ok, but that's not so bad.

Man: So what happened then?
Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left.
Man: and then?
Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do then?
Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket about full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail. Some things you just can't explain.

Man: So, what did you do?
Farmer: Well, I didn't have any more rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in... Some things you just can't explain.

Re: Joke of the Day
 

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."

"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."


"No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it."

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" Asked the manager.

"Never better."

The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"

"Nope, I shut him up in no time." Said the Marine.

"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.

"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

An elderly woman goes to the doctor and asks his help to revive her Husband's sex drive.

'What about trying Viagra?' asks the doctor.

Not a chance' says Mrs. Murphy. "He won't even take an aspirin for a headache."


'No problem,' replies the doctor. 'Drop it into his coffee,he won't even taste it. Try it and come back in a week to let me know how you got on.'

A week later Mrs. Murphy returns to the doctor and he inquires as to how things went.

'Oh it was terrible, just terrible doctor.'

What happened?' asks the doctor.

'Well I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee. The effect was immediate. He jumped straight up, swept the cutlery off the table, at the same time ripping my clothes off and then proceeded to
make wild passionate love to me on the tabletop. It was terrible!

'What was terrible?' said the doctor, 'Was the sex not good?'

'Oh no doctor, the sex was the best I've had in 25 years...
but I'll never be able to show my face in McDonald's again!'

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"

Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"

Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said loudly, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons."
The teacher said, "That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word 'fascinate' in your sentence."

Little Johnny continued, "But her boobs are so big, she can only fasten eight!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Little Johnny is returning home from the store swinging a loaf of bread in one hand. His other hand in his pants pocket. Off in the distance, Father Joseph sees little Johnny and considers, "This is a good opportunity to say something from the bible to little Johnny." Father Joseph approaches little Johnny and says, "I see that you have the Staff of Life in one hand."

"Yep," replies little Johnny. "And I have a loaf of bread in the other!"

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A guy walks into a bar with his horse and offers $100 to anybody who can make the horse laugh. Only one guy says he can do it, and he whispers something in the horse's ear. Sure enough, the horse laughs his head off.

So the following week, the guy is back in the bar with his horse again, but his time he offers $200 to anyone who can make the horse cry. The same guy comes up to him, then whispers to the horse and they go off to the bathroom. Amazingly, when they come back, the horse is sobbing. The horse's owner goes over to the other guy, and says: "Hey, I just gotta know - how did you do that?"

"Simple," he replies, "last week I told him I had a bigger cock than him. This week I showed him...."

Re: Joke of the Day
 

A couple were recently married, when the husband arrived at his house he found that his new bride was nowhere to be found. Understandably, he got deeply worried and contacted all his friends and asked where she might be without success. However, two days after his wife disappeared, the man returned home to find her in the kitchen.
He asked her what she has been up to and why she hadn’t been home for so long. She replied: “These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for an entire week!”
The husband answered: “But it’s only been two days, so how could it have been a week?”
“Oh, I just came home to get something to eat!”

Re: Joke of the Day
 

Little Johnny was in class and the teacher announced that they were going to try something different to help everyone get to know each other a little better, and to help with their spelling.

She explained, “I want you to stand up and give us the occupation of your father, spell it, and say one thing he would give us all if he was here today.”

The first student raised her hand to volunteer. “Marcy,” the teacher said. “You may go first.”

Marcy replied, “My father is a banker. B-A-N-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a shiny new penny.”

The teacher said, “Very nice, Marcy, who wants to go next?”

Kevin stood up and announced, “My father is a baker. B-A-K-E-R and if he was here today, he would give us all a freshly-baked cookie.”

“Very good,” the teacher told Kevin. Jeff was next, and he said, “My father is an accountant. A-K, no wait, A-C-K, no…”

Before he could attempt to spell it once more, the teacher cut him off and told him to sit back down and to think about it for a while. When he thought he knew how to spell it, he could stand back up and try again.

Little Johnny raised his hand in excitement hoping to be acknowledged by the teacher. The teacher called on Little Johnny to go next.

Johnny said, “My father is a bookie. B-O-O-K-I-E and if he was here today, he would give us all 20:1 odds Jeff will never be able to spell “accountant.”