A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it?

"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why the were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was "Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! I'm like Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!"

Siamese twins walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a barstool.



One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please."



The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, lads?"



"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.



"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture..."



"Nah, we don't like that British crap," says John. "Hamburgers and Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English – they're so arrogant and rude."



"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender. "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."